77 Myths of Venerable Magik

Cara Neir / Infernal Legions of Mordor · 2022 · Album

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Tracklist

  1. I Hate Black Metal... Or Frostbytten and Bvtthurt
  2. Doesn’t Matter What You Call Yourself, You’re Always Gonna Be a Nazi (Just Say No to NSBM)
  3. How to Get Signed
  4. Social Media Death Metal
  5. I’m Pretty Cool Myself
  6. Jump the Heck Up
  7. Super Unorthodox Backwoods Coffee Club Revival
  8. Skimpy Solomon Fartfingers
  9. Introduction: Gathering Around the Light of the Fire as the Unearthly and Benevolent Spirits of the Forest Join Us in This Magik Night
  10. My Elf Ears Melted in My Car
  11. Ranking Morbid Angel Albums Solely Based Upon Their Cover Art
  12. At the Risk of Taking a Feminist Stance, I Gotta Say Cemetery Rapist Is a Very Bad Band
  13. Getting Frostbite During the Texas Blizzard Taking Corpsepaint Photos
  14. Don’t Tempt Me Frodo!
  15. Awaken Me When the Time Is Appropriate to Listen to Type O Negative
  16. Venom Enema
  17. The Frozen One Awaits
  18. Beefcakes Without Borders
  19. Nothing More Punk Than a Fast, Casual Italian Eatery
  20. The Ancient Spell, Grimly Uttered in the Tongues of the Old Ones by My Unfortunate Rectum Hours After Eating Spicy Curry
  21. Mamma’s Selling a Line 6
  22. Professor Snape, the World’s Favorite Incel
  23. The Gate of No Return
  24. The Noise Gate of No Return
  25. My Former Life as a Poser
  26. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
  27. Diesel Boner
  28. Really, How Long Does It Take to Test a Fucking Compression Pedal??
  29. Tormented and Coerced Into Performing a Live Ritual by an Eldritch Forest Spirit, a Pair of Ghouls and a Weeb
  30. How Can I Be Punk When I Have a Severe Skin Allergy to Nickel
  31. Freebasing Cringe
  32. I Wish My Life Had More of a Thulean Perspective
  33. Daydreaming Giddily About John Lennon Burning in Hell
  34. Catfishing Viper
  35. Cognitive Ball Therapy
  36. Researching the Legality of Cannibalism
  37. Entering and Leaving the Garage Waiting for the Random Encounter Peavey to Spawn
  38. Unapproachable Raw Black Metal Legend Purchasing Me Indie Rock Record From My Own City
  39. Cursed to Listen to Untold Hours of King Crimson in the Lair of Count Progula
  40. Asking Raw Black Metal Elite, “You Ever Heard Behemoth?”
  41. Buying a Gun From the Drummer of Savatage
  42. Having a Random Encounter With Lord Wurm in Recycled, to Have Him Babble Something Insane and Give You an S Rank Quest
  43. Nice 12 String Ric You Psych Rock Playing Poser (I Mean This Unironically)
  44. Okay Give Me That Guitar It’s Too Cool for You, You Play Psych Rock in 2021
  45. Wolves in the Throne Room Posting Emojis (Wolves in the Throne Room Are a Bunch of Fucking Nerds Pt 2)
  46. Being a Pornogrind Fan Is Cleaning the Cum Out of the Grooves on Your Meat Shits Records
  47. The Worst Part of Being an NSBM Fan (Other Than, Y’know Being Racist) Is Having to Pretend That Absurd Is a Good Band
  48. Like a Macabre Rail of Silly String a Footlong Cord of Turds Rope Descends From My Anus
  49. And on That Day His Forehead Grew Three Times Its Normal Size
  50. Punishing Edm Kids With Neil Young
  51. Becoming a Cocaine Cowboy Because You Don’t Know What Else to Do With Yourself Now That Burger Records Is Cancelled
  52. You’ll Cowards Won’t Even Play in Standard Tuning
  53. Todopoderoso Steals Riffs From Kombat (How DARE They Play an Open E)
  54. Ancient Sword of the Meth King
  55. I’m Going to Fucking Fight Vincent Gallo, and I Will Win
  56. Successfully Cyberbullied a Child
  57. Save a Tele, Kill Your Local Indie Rocker
  58. Do You Believe in Magick (Spelled with a “K”)?
  59. Aerosmith by Choice
  60. Another Wampyric and Elusive Black Metal Project With Dungeon Synth Interludes Just Like the Last Five That I Unloaded My Paycheck On

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